beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

My lifegroup and I are working on repentance and learning to love it. I don’t love it quite enough, I’m afraid. I want it to slam into my life and transform me. If you want to, I’d love for you to pray about that right quick for me. And I hope you are striving to love repentance and practice it, as well.

One thing that has a lot to do with confessing to one another as we are learning about repentance together, is a little thing called transparency. I think that if we are truly going to be family with our brothers and sisters in Christ, we have to be transparent with each other. Only through transparency can we really help each other in urgency of change, repentance, and striving for holiness.

So, here’s my attempt at writing down what just hit me in the face as I created articles for our website at work (weird timing.)

This post thingy is actually for girls only, so if you are a guy you probably want to head to the right and click on Brandon and sneak to his blog. It’s a ton better, anyways!

Girls, how often do we worry (and I mean worry!!) over our looks, weight, hair, outfits, tan or no tan…? I am one of those people that are super psycho about it (ask Brandon and then ask BK. They will both agree with me here.) I’m not super psycho in a sense that I have to own awesome clothes (I shop at the clearance rack at Target…always.) Nor do I even wash my hair every day or wear anything with make up besides mascara. It’s just in my heart that I’m not good enough. And no matter what, in my head I am not excelling in the “good looks” department. Brandon can tell me 10,000 times I look pretty and I’ll tell him 10,001 times that he’s wrong. No, make that 10,002. It’s kind of ridiculous and stupid and selfish and childish. So, it’s real mature. Obviously.

But here’s the thing. I know we want to look pretty and skinny and have great hair because of things like movies, tv shows, America’s Next Top Model & magazines. But, there’s something else there too. And I think I’ve figured mine out.

I ran across a quote today that said:

Every woman is in some way either searching for or running from her beauty.”

Surely, much of the time, I really don’t even belive that any inner beauty exists for me. And this is why I spend so much time trying to dupe the world with some semblence of my outward presence. And, man, maybe if I can charm or entertain your eye with my beauty on the outside–whether it’s an outfit, hairstyle, or skinny body–maybe you won’t ever even want to look any further than skin deep. And you will never, ever know that it’s all deception. I’ll keep rejection at bay. I’ll never have to tell anybody what is really in my heart. I’ll never confess. I’ll never repent. And I’ll never be imperfect.

But, it doesn’t work that way, does it? Unfortunately, all this is connected to all of those crazy girl-feelings of wanting to be beautiful and desirable. Yet, I am feeling ugly and undesirable. Maybe I’ll get it one day. Things are looking up today, at least.

Praise God that he loves me. Me. All of me.

*& do not post things with appearance-related compliments, please. that isn’t encouraging. pray for me and the girls you know, instead.

victory is sweetest when you’ve known defeat.

I like today.

This weekend: I went on a date with my husband, had a half Sabbath on Saturday, played a little frisbee with some good friends, ran with Pace face, baked and baked and baked, dropped half of a birthday cake in the floor, threw a birthday party for B, rode on a motorcycle!, listened to Francis Chan Holy Spirit series and took the other half of my Sabbath on Sunday, realized I have a lot to learn, cleaned, went to church and ate awesome desserts/appetizers at a sweet family’s home after.

Lauren posted this:

 

and I had a fit over it. And, on an exciting note, one of our sweet, precious baby boys decided last week that he loves and accepts Jesus as his Savior! Lorien is an excited momma right about now! Kidtown is blooming and it’s so wonderful.

I’ve learned a few things since whenever I wrote on this deal last:

1. I love Luis and how he loves Jesus. It’s so encouraging. Midtown has found him a house! Brandon and I get to go show it to him today… I’m super excited about it!! Read about him here.

2. I don’t really, really love people. And sometimes I don’t even want to.

3. I still don’t love repentance. But, I really want to.

4. My life is only “too busy” because I believe it’s “too busy.”

5. And–our culture (including me) doesn’t need more people that know a lot of stuff about the Bible/theology/academics. It needs some people that know about it and do something about it. It needs people that hear about Jesus and just that knowledge of Him causes them to repent, believe, change, and make a difference. Our culture needs some people that hear God’s word and react.  

My hubby’s birthday is tomorrow. Sadly, he doesn’t get as excited as me about his birthday. But, tomorrow I will make him have a day of festivities-whether he cares about it or not!

 

Pray for my friend Meagan in the Philippines. She is a nanny in an orphanage all summer. Pray that she wakes up every day refreshed and ready to keep loving on those sweet children & all the while sharing Christ’s love and teaching the children the Gospel.

daddy day.

Weekend at a glance:

1. Bought a house.

2. Yes, I said bought a house. Brandon and I got our “dream home” for our very first, “we are married”, sweet little home! We are super excited.

3. It was Father’s Day.

I’m late. But my Dad doesn’t read my blog, or anything. I actually got to see my dad on Father’s Day weekend-on Saturday. My whole family (my side) came down to see our new house. It was a lot of fun. Dad climbed around in the attic and in the basement to check things out and my mom told me everything she was going to buy for the house. (They are both very much so givers.) It was great to hang out with my parents and brothers. I love them so much and miss them terribly. But, it makes our time together that much more meaningful and fun. We even succeeded in embarrassing Brandon to death through our time at El Jalisco as we told stories of Alex crying at Ryan’s when we sang the birthday song on his 8th birthday (yeah, Ryan’s–our family used to go every Friday night), Alex crying when we ran the water in the bathtub because “the loud noise hurt his ears”, and how dad cries everytime during Rudy when they start chanting “Rudy, Rudy” when he finally gets to play. I guess we think it’s funny when people cry. And then we play the “what if” game the whole time and it’s hilarious to about three people: the ones playing it. Sometimes I play it with Brandon, and instead of falling out of his seat laughing, he’s just sitting there looking at me like, “I don’t get why you think that’s funny.” But it’s so funny! Trust me. Hilarious.

4. The rest of my Saturday night was full of watching HGTV (immediately addicted as soon as we got the contract) and going to bed early.

5. Sunday, Beth and Lauren came over to lay out at our pool. And ten minutes later it rained. But it was beautiful for those ten minutes. I need a tan! Summer not truly being summer is so not cool. (i.e.: this is my first summer of having a real job and not being in school and getting to have summers ‘off.’)

6. It’s crazy at work. Our website goes live today. It’s struggling a little, but much better than what it used to be. I’m slowly (very slowly) learning how to work it all. Because, remember, I’m website coordinator (hilarious.)

7. It’s official: our ultimate team beat the orange team. (We’re awesome.) Seriously, my team is so good at this sport. It’s pretty amazing to watch. I’m not good at all, but it’s pretty great being on the team that is the best. And I get to learn from the best!

8. I decided (again) that I am really ready to start back to school. I’m praying to start back in ‘09. I really miss learning and want to learn about what I want to do for the rest of my life. We’ll see how that goes…and if what I want to do for the rest of my life is the same tomorrow.

9. God is amazing and His grace is enough. Our Lord is so good.

nahum 1.

The LORD is a jealous and avenging God;
   the LORD is avenging and wrathful;
the LORD takes vengeance on his adversaries
   and keeps wrath for his enemies.
The LORD is slow to anger and great in power,
   and the LORD will by no means clear the guilty.
His way is in whirlwind and storm,
   and the clouds are the dust of his feet.
He rebukes the sea and makes it dry;
   he dries up all the rivers;
Bashan and Carmel wither;
   the bloom of Lebanon withers.
The mountains quake before him;
   the hills melt;
the earth heaves before him,
 the world and all who dwell in it.

Who can stand before his indignation?
   Who can endure the heat of his anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire,
   and the rocks are broken into pieces by him.
The LORD is good,
   a stronghold in the day of trouble;
 he knows those who take refuge in him.
 But with an overflowing flood
he will make a complete end of the adversaries,
   and will pursue his enemies into darkness.
What do you plot against the LORD?
   He will make a complete end;
   trouble will not rise up a second time.
For they are like entangled thorns,
   like drunkards as they drink;
    they are consumed like stubble fully dried.
From you came one
   who plotted evil against the LORD,
   a worthless counselor.

 Thus says the LORD,”Though they are at full strength and many,
   they will be cut down and pass away.
Though I have afflicted you,
   I will afflict you no more.
And now I will break his yoke from off you
   and will burst your bonds apart.”

The LORD has given commandment about you:
   ”No more shall your name be perpetuated;
from the house of your gods I will cut off
   the carved image and the metal image.
I will make your grave, for you are vile.”

Behold, upon the mountains, the feet of him
   who brings good news,
   who publishes peace!
Keep your feasts, O Judah;
  fulfill your vows,
for never again shall the worthless pass through you;
   he is utterly cut off.