random childhood memory + knitting confessions.

1. I have been trying to feel and know words like Thanksgiving, Immanuel, and Advent during this busy time. Let me set something straight: I know I’m a mere 23 years old. I know this sounds crazy. But, I’m knitting like a 90-year-old woman. (No offense to the grandma’s out there…!) And I’m almost embarrassed to say that it has been so good for my soul. I have had such quiet, precious times with the Lord while knitting. I think it’s because it’s monotonous, but you still have to pay attention a little. No “mind” attention until something goes wrong… just watching. So, my eye’s focus falls on the yarn and my heart and mind’s focus is left to wander. And it’s been so good to talk to the Lord and ponder those words: thanksgiving… Immanuel, God with us.

2. I remembered a fun story of my childhood today and thought I’d share. My great grandfather, before he died, owned a grocery store in good ol’ Easley called “Gilstrap’s Grocery” (my maiden name.) My “Great Papa” would sit in this little office behind the meat department (which graced the entire back wall of the store) and do the books, make phone calls, and most importantly, talk to every person that came in the store by simply looking out of his little window that looked over the meat department. My family would go every day after school to get stuff to make dinner and our afterschool snack (because we had the shoe in to get one piece of candy free.) I would be the one to get the meat (I was the oldest and would beat Alex up if he even tried.) There was this guy that was about 18 or so that worked at the meat department. Back then, they still got a chunk of the meat you wanted out, weighed it, and then packaged it in that white paper and wrote on it with those crayon-like pens. I had the biggest crush on the meat guy (give me a break, I was 8)…but, every once in a while, he’d write things like, “1 lb for the Princess Kristi.” (This is hilarious to me now, but I thought I was going to marry him when I was little.) He was the first to have his last name tagged on the end of Kristi in all of my notebooks…that’s something special. Ha.

In the end, sadly Bilo’s and Walmart Superstore’s made Gilstrap’s Grocery close about five years ago. It’s a Real Estate Agency, now. I hate that. Moral of the story: Things change, so you better love them while you’ve got them. Take care of them and be thankful.

home….less.

Tonight I will be “homeless.” Actually, I can’t even say that. I will still have a home, waiting on me Saturday night. It will be warm and toasty and ready for me to sit on the couch, watch House with my hubby, and turn on my Christmas tree. I will walk around tonight, keys in my pocket, knowing tomorrow I will be back home. But, in my pride, I’ll say “I’m being homeless for a night.” Really, I’m just seeing a glimpse–not even a glimpse–of what homelessness is. We’re going to have games to play and warm coffee all night. A lot of homeless people are loners. No games. No talking. Rare interaction. Beth is sick and may not get to stay outside. When she told me that, I joked and said, “Man, I wish I was sick so I’d have an excuse to stay inside!” I woke up this morning with sniffles and my ears and throat hurting like crazy. I also woke this morning with an overwhelming feeling of guilt for saying that. (I know, I know… it was just a joke. But I might have meant it a little bit.) So, tonight I will sleep outside and have the sniffles while doing it. I will ask God to teach me and grow me as I freeze. I will watch as four homeless people within our church set up, work, and volunteer at the Homeless event all night. I will know that we are shuttling the homeless to a warm shelter and there are at least four homeless people choosing to do what we are doing-choosing to be homeless for the sake of the Gospel of Christ being shared.

Pray for me to change. Pray for others in our city to change. Pray that homelessness will not be an issue this time next year. Pray that people get off the streets and find homes, work, community, and Jesus if they don’t already know Him. Pray that my pride is wiped away.

 

She yells, “If you were homeless
Surely you’d be drunk
Or high or trying to get there
Or begging for junk…
When people dont want you
They just throw you money for beer.
Her name was November,
She went by Autumn or Fall.
It was seven long years
Since the Autumn when all
Of her nightmares grew fingers
And all of her dreams grew a tear.
She’s somebody’s baby
Somebody’s baby girl
And she’s somebody’s baby still
She screams, “Well if you’ve never
Gone at it alone, well then go ahead
You better throw the first stone
You got one lonely stoner
Waiting to bring to her knees”
She dreams about heaven..
Remembering hell.
As a nightmare she visits
And knows all too well.
Every now and again
When she’s sober she brushes her teeth.
She’s somebody’s baby…
Today was her birthday
Strangely enough
When the cops found her body
At the foot of the bluff.
The annonymous caller this morning
Tipped off the police.
They got her I.D
From her dental remains.
The same fillings still intact
The same nicotine stains.
The birth and the death were both over
With no one to grieve.
She’s somebody’s baby, somebody’s baby girl…

-Jon Foreman

Aslan.

Yesterday I got stuck in a little bit of downtown Columbia traffic. I’m sure if I lived in Atlanta or NYC, the term ‘traffic’ would have a different defintion. But, it was traffic for Columbia… not Saturday gameday traffic, but traffic nonetheless. Usually, I stare ahead and am so sad by the fact that I’m sitting and not moving. But, yesterday, I simply looked to my left and watched the cars that were going quickly by me. Have you noticed how bright the sun is during the afternoons? It’s starting its fall at 4:30ish to set by 6. So, the sun is directly in your eyes if you are driving towards the sun setting. It’s quite awful, actually. Sunglasses don’t work and those little sun visors built into our cars do not work. I saw some of the funniest faces yesterday as people squirmed and squinted. One of my favorite things to do is people-watch. Who knew I could even do it while driving down the road…

& I leave you this song that I love so very much. “Aslan” by Kendall Payne. Would it be odd to name our son Aslan one day…? ‘Cause I might.

Don’t stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He’s not safe, no he’s not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?
The King above all Kings is coming down
But He won’t say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don’t do the deeds you know that He could
He won’t think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good
I know you’re thirsty, the water is free
But I should warn you, it costs everything
Well, He’s not fair, no He’s not fair
When He fixes what’s beyond repair
And graces everyone that don’t deserve
No one knows Him whom eyes never seen
No, I don’t know Him but He knows me
He knows me, He knows me
Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without His incision, you can’t enter in
He cuts deep, yeah He cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind

afraid.

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

jingle bells. snowmen. christmas trees. Jesus.

It’s that time of the year…well, at least at the Clements’. Brandon and I started listening to Christmas music this weekend when we were in the upstate. I immediately decided that today we will put up our Christmas tree, eat a big dinner, and dance around to Christmas music all night long. I admit it: I love this season. I love the craziness, the quickness, the happiness… all of it. This time of year is marked by bright red everything, warm homes, lights, hot chocolate, quality time, songs of praise and family… and I stinkin’ love that. I do love all of the fun “things” to do at Christmas–wrapping presents, included. But, I have a prayer this holiday season: More than wrapping presents and singing Jingle Bells, I need to desire for my Christmas season to be marked by Immanuel. I want to sit in Memaw’s house on Christmas Eve with kids and laughter and sausage balls and hear silence as I celebrate the faces of my new family–the one that God gave me through marriage to my husband. I want to sit at my Papa and Mama’s house and know that although not all of my family can be there, God loves each and every one of us the same and has His hand in our lives. I want to sleep four-wide in the bed with Bran & my brothers and thank God for loving us so much to bless us with family like this. I want to see my 85-year-old great grandmother on Christmas morning and thank God for meaningful life and that it doesn’t end here. I want to see Peruvian children light up as we tell them stories and share hugs and high fives. Most of all, I want to see God, our God–in all of that. I pray I see Him in the lights that shine on each street, the mugs full of apple cider, and the presents under the tree. As Molly Piper says, “I really want this time of year to be intentional, where we take time to talk and ponder words like Thanksgiving and Advent and Immanuel. I want to feel them somewhere in the middle of my chest. I want them to take my breath away.” I concur.

God, teach me to see you. Teach me to know you are here, Immanuel–God, with us.

and then.

and then Brandon gets a big scholarship to CIU.

hmmm…

wordless wednesday.

Today I’m finally back at my desk at work, trying my hardest not to scream at the 100’s of emails waiting answers in my inbox. I read a few blogs this morning to break up my time emailing and making phone calls (my google reader has about 375 blogs not read because I haven’t been at a computer lately). I ran across one I love to read–a mom that I don’t know that has 5 girls under the age of 7. Intense, huh? Yet, she seems so together and she’s always doing fun ”mom” things with her girls and teaching them about Jesus all at the same time. My friend at work, Sandie, is expecting. She’s just 11 weeks into pregnancy and has been sick since week one. She’s missed a lot of work and looked awful those days she did get to work. It’s amazing to me how a little baby changes your whole life–even when that little baby is 11 weeks old in your stomach! I watched Jon and Kate plus 8 last night while keeping Caden and Micah and thought to myself as Micah screamed and Caden pulled on my shirt for me to hurry up and make his pb&j… “Thank goodness that Brandon says we have to wait until we’re 30 to have kids!” Ha, not really. Well, that’s a lie…I really thought that, just didn’t mean it wholeheartedly. 

With all of that said, I’m confused. Brandon and I want to adopt one day. Actually, a few weeks ago, I wanted to do it like… tomorrow. But, I feel like God is telling me not to do it right now even though I would do it in a second. When we were thinking about it and praying over it, I was so excited and pumped about the idea of letting God use us in that way. I was urged to love and take care of orphans. Then, we started thinking about going back to school (well, not just thinking about it anymore..actually applying.) My heart is for listening to people/students/missions/children/working to fix things that are broken. So, studying counseling and getting my degree makes sense. Getting my MDiv and doing collegiate ministry makes sense. My job for now makes sense. Doing whatever job and serving on the Care Team at Midtown like now makes sense. Adopting a child that doesn’t have parents and loving on them makes sense. But which is right? Which is what God is telling me to do? I don’t know! And it’s driving me crazy. I know I can pray about it more…search God’s heart for it more… listen to hear His voice more.

“How much in human life is lost in waiting?” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I will not wait around. I will listen. I will love on those that are hurting. I will be on mission. I will work with students. I will be in the works of helping fix what is broken.

I think I just learned that it’s not a job, not a child, not a moment, not a degree that determines what our life is characterized by.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

too long.

it’s been too long. here’s a recap of my life:

• “Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. On that day, he knows he must run faster than the lion or he will be eaten. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. On that day, he knows he must run faster than the gazelle or he will go hungry. Every morning when you wake up, no matter if you are a lion or gazelle, you better be running.” (oh, guatemala.)
• I’ve been gone the past few weeks traveling the great state of SC. Work has put me in my sweet little VW and taken me around all SC college BCM’s. It’s been fun, exciting, and tiring. But, mostly just fun. I got to be with missionaries to Peru, Nova Scotia, and Baltimore. They are all living and teaching the Gospel…awesome.
• We went to see Wicked in Atlanta with Jon and Erica. I love Wicked.
• For Halloween, Brandon was Klash (so original thanks to me.) and dressed up in crazy “clashing” clothes. I was Elphaba (yes, from Wicked…the day before we saw Wicked) and painted my face green. And as people at work say, my black hair was made for Halloween (yes, people at work said, quote, “Hey, at least your hair goes good for Halloween!”….thanks.) Pacey was a pumpkin because my mom thinks that the dog is her granddaughter and bought her a pumpkin outfit. She tore it off in about three seconds.
• Today, Brandon and I had such a great day. We finally got to see each other for more than ten minutes in a day. So, we spent the whole day together. Laura and Steve came to visit, we went to lunch at Cafe Strudel, sat out in the backyard and read, talked, and (I) knitted Brandon was Mr. Photography for about five minutes (see below), went to the Tippings’ for the oh so sad Clemson game, and went to our neighbor’s cook out. It was such a great day. I love South Carolina for it’s 65 degree sunny days in November.
• Tonight I started wrapping Christmas presents… I know, ridiculous. But, I had about two hours so I decided to start. Only a month and a half left to make and wrap. It was fun and I am proud. Ask Brandon how many times he had to look at all my scarves & then look at them in their boxes. I know I’m ridiculous. Amy Butler would laugh at my scarves. But I am proud of them.
• Pictures are worth a thousand words so here goes:

view from our back deck today.

Pacey mad in her pumpkin outfit.

what I spent my afternoon doing.

Christmas scarf!