Heart to Heart, that’s our style.

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘Love the Lord your God will all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commandments.’”

<Matthew 22>

 

I finally found the article!

this is where i got my last post from. I finally found it! forget reading my last post–go read this girl’s article. It’s awesome. (and practically everything I said, but better.)

apple.

Sin.

My lifegroup and I are trying to dive into repentance and allow it to change our lives. I say I want to be “real”… I want to be “open”… But how real and open do I want to be about true sin in my life?

I believe that I have a lot to learn with sin issues. I believe too many times I confuse purity with transparency. I want to be transparent in front of others, so they will “know” my sin and know that I’m sorry for it. I want to be transparent with my lifegroup and tell them everything I am struggling with, the joys, the sorrows, the pain, and everything in between. But, then, when my peers know my sins–when I am transparent–there needs to be something following. (cough, cough, repentance before our God.)

re·pent ¹
v.   re·pent·ed, re·pent·ing, re·pents

1. To feel remorse, contrition, or self-reproach for what one has done or failed to do; be contrite.
2. To feel such regret for past conduct as to change one’s mind regarding it: repented of intemperate behavior.
3. To make a change for the better as a result of remorse or contrition for one’s sins.

Our sin causes us to repent which causes us to change. Or rather, “to make a change for the better as a result of remorse or contrition for one’s sins.” My desire for honesty or community can’t outweigh my desire for purity and devotion to my God.

As I think about repentance and sin, my first response is this: broken relationships. I have broken relationships with people because of sin. I have broken relationships with the Lord because of sin. Sin rewards us with broken relationships. Interestingly enough, I still sin. My broken relationships aren’t as important, I guess. (now that’s transparency!)

Remember in college when you had that one class that you could sign in for and then leave? Now, “could” is a word I guess I shouldn’t use. You could, but the teacher didn’t really allow it…he just didn’t really count the students or make you sign at the end of class or any of that. He didn’t encourage it, allow it, or OK it. But, you could get away with it. I had one of those classes. And I was too chicken to sign in and skip. But, the lying part of it didn’t phase me. I didn’t do it because of the sin, I just didn’t want to get caught. Take this and see the “let’s be open and honest and never change” problem our generation could face:

You’re sitting in your Bible study and a fellow student in the study says, “Well, I’m not going to lie to you, I signed the role and skipped class.” You look at your friend, nodding, and think to yourself, “How honest.” HELLO! Problem! The honesty is praised and the sin is left untouched! The lackluster ‘confession’ isn’t confession. It’s sin. And remember, sin leads to repentance and repentance leads to change. I pray that my godly friends would have said, “Kristi, get a life. You are lying everytime you sign your name and mark ‘present.’ You need to start sticking around for class after your signature, or not going at all.” I pray that I would be a friend that did the same (I wasn’t.)

The following is all stolen words:

“Past honest, past transparency, we need to bring to light the darkest places of our soul in order to strive after holiness-a slightly less popular word. But we are not holy; we all cry out in response. We cannot be perfectly holy, and these ideas will turn us legalistic. No, we are not perfect, but God longs to sanctify us and acknowledge our sin for what it is. And confessing it before not only God but our fellow brothers and sisters will begin to remove the dross that keeps us impure.

…when we truly confess, blood rich and pure and perfect begins to cover our darkness, beginning at our head and spreading to cover every inch of who we are; blood that is counter intuitively beautiful. Blood that makes us acceptable to stand in the presence of God. We are covered and reconciled to God, filled with Him, penetrated and cleansed beyond just the flesh-but the very soul. This is not ordinary blood. This is not the typical lamb or goat offering the Jews made in the temples years ago. Those were mere check-ups, cleansing for a few days-only needing to be cleaned again. No, this is the shed blood of God. Let me repeat that in case this did not sink in. This is the shed blood of God. Eternal, unchanging, holy, perfect God.”

May we not only be real, but pure.

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of use who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into death?…we too may live a new life.”

go read Romans 6.

stolen from dustin.

the Kingdom of God is here, people.

And a quote from Bran-

“One of my favorite things about Jesus is how He is constantly taking things that are broken and making them whole.”

the world wide web.

I was gone all last week to Collegiate Week East @ Ridgecrest in Black Mountain, NC (near Asheville). It was awesome. I had a hotel room to myself all week and it was just so relaxing & a great time alone to spend with Jesus and get to know Him more. I wish I could do that once a month. It would be so awesome. But, that’s not really possible. So, I can be super joyful when those sweet times do come along.

Here’s a recap of my life in the past week or so:

1. Collegiate Week. Awesomeness. Got to know my missionaries that were gone all summer so much better. All of them got home safely and learned so much this summer. Praise God.

2. I got to take the rest of the week off because I can’t work over 40 hours and I did so at Ridgecrest. So I had Wednesday-Friday off of work. And I worked more than I would have! We moved into our new, precious home! I’m so excited. It is perfect. Not to everyone, of course, but for Brandon and me–it’s perfect. It’s a sweet, little house that has a precious little back deck where precious little Paceface can run around. It truly is such a blessing from the Lord and I pray Brandon and I will use it as a place to love on people, share the Gospel, and have good times with family and friends. (Olympic night at the casa ASAP–time and date TBA.)

3. I came back to 129 emails. Really? I was gone for a total of: one week. It was hectic this morning getting through only about half of them. But, thank God for email. I’m so glad I didn’t have to call 129 people back. That would have been torture for this girl. (I HATE the phone.)

this blog post is the most random thing you will ever read.

I’ve been pretty low-key about owning a house in t-minus two days. But no more of this low-key crap. I’m ecstatic. I finally got my named changed to Kristi Clements (it’s been a lie on this blog for quite a while. and on my insurance. go figure.) So that made me feel much more married and getting a house makes me feel waaaay more married. I am telling Bran that it’s official as of Friday. August 1st, we are a real, grown-up, big time bill-paying, house-owning, grass-cutting, house-cleaning, weed-wacking family. And we all have the name Clements. awesome.

two things to share:

1. My feet. Not a normal topic of blog posts, I am sure. But my feet are driving me crazy. If you know me, you know that I’ve had some blood blisters the size of Texas on the bottom of feet this whole summer, pretty much. It’s so annoying. My feet are like a man’s feet. Like, for real. They are tougher than nails on the bottom. It’s really quite disgusting. If I were to step on a nail, I feel like it wouldn’t even phase my feet. But, let me tell you, if I wear shoes with backs on them or socks, my feet are blistered up like crazy. So, rainbows, chacos, and sandals save my life (well, really just my feet.)

2. Today my friend Meagan comes home from the Philippines. Unfortunately, home isn’t Columbia, but at least she’s 2 hours away & a phone call away now! So, pray for her safe travel. I actually have no idea when she lands. But pray for her right now, please. She’s been an awesome Nanny to children in an orphanage in the Philippines all summer long. I praise God for her willingness to go and share His love. Let me tell you, she’s around kids 24/7. She’s an elementary school teacher, a big sister to a soon-to-be 1st grader (who she lives with!), and then a nanny to an orphanage in the summer. I’m sure that’s easy, right…? yeah. sure.

and ps-My husband is at home AWAKE after he hasn’t slept in like 30-something hours. thank you, Brandon for working to provide for your family. Thank you for loving Jesus enough to be a bi-vocational minister even when you work a bazillion hours at your “paying” job and work 24/7 at your church job, too. Because even when you aren’t working, you are praying, thinking, and dreaming. And things like this make me love you so much more–and miss you more, too. I love you, B.

summertime and the living is easy. fish are jumping, cotton is high.

It’s nearing the end of July. Today I heard on the radio that it’s supposed to get up to 101 degrees today. Awesome. Then I thought, “Well, at least summer is coming to a close and it will start getting less hot soon.” And still then I thought, “Oh, then there’s August…the hottest month of all.” So, cheers to my first summer working, being white, pasty, and not having a hint of tan, and apartment complex swimming pools with no time to go to it.

“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.” -Russell Baker

this is where i want to be…

right now. with rain falling on a tin roof. and it be in Guatemala. and B by my side.

the end. happy friday.

oh for real…?

Sunday we went tubing. I had seen the bruises on Beth’s legs, heard stories of it being freezing cold, etc. But I wasn’t really scared. Well, the river wanted to scare the crap out of me and it did so. I now will never get in the river again, I’m sure. I probably won’t even look at it as we drive by. “If you fall, get back up and do it again” doesn’t apply to my mind. One time when I was in middle school, I was doing my crazy back flip, turn, dive deals off the diving board (my grandparents had a pool and we were there every day…seriously.) Well, I busted my head on the diving board. I didn’t cry or freak out and I didn’t bleed too badly. I just had a little bit of blood on my forehead. Well, my mom made me get up and do the stupid crazy dive again. “If you fall once and bump your head, do it again unless you’re dead.” After that I never did it again. Thank goodness I didn’t hit my head for the second time. I can hear my mom now– ”If you fall twice and bump your head…”

So, no more tubing down a river for this girl. My motto is unlike my mother’s. I say: “If you fall once, don’t be dumb enough to do it again unless you are expecting to get hurt again. And don’t whine if you get hurt because you knew what would happen.” Mine doesn’t rhyme.

There are “rapids” in the river. I didn’t know they were as “tough” as they are. All of these words are in quotes because these aren’t like crazy waterfall-like rapids or anything and they probably aren’t that tough. My rear-end was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. So, needless to say, I have sutures and a messed-up tailbone. Awesome. My parents didn’t even skip a beat when I told them… this is my life. This isn’t weird at all to happen to me. “Oh, for real.. stitches in my butt?” is all I could muster up saying.

Ps- don’t buy these to go down a river. Spend at least 10 bucks!

today.

I’m annoyed easily today. And that’s no good. I need an attitude adjustment today. I need to realize to suck it up.

With that said, I’ve realized today what my calling is! During lunch, I went home, laid in the floor of my apartment’s living room (with Pacey crying in the kitchen because I wouldn’t let her out) and relaxed. I made all of my muscles, limbs, and bones (if that’s even possible) relax. I felt like a yoga chick on my yoga mat in a yoga studio. I talked to God. Then for 3/4 of the time, I listened to God. It was refreshing, wonderful, and very much needed. And he spoke to me! I love when this happens. And it was like one of those times when you really know you are hearing Him and not what you want Him to say. I had read this earlier this morning:

“I have found my calling: my call is love.” St. Therese of Lisieux

And after I had been annoyed all day by people (see top where I confess I’m easily bothered), contacting insurance consultants about missionary insurance for my students because they keep getting their stuff stolen, worrying (oops. I worried) about money and everything that you have to pay for to purchase a home, and hearing bad news from home… I had a good mind to listen to Jesus.

And He said to me…drumroll please… to love. He told me to love others more than myself. To realize that just last night I was telling Brandon how little our problems are. I am pretty sure that my motto for life has been set in stone as of today: I have a lot to learn.

~

God, teach me to get over myself. Teach me how little I am. Teach me to love other people. Teach me that I can do that now–here–just as well as I can love on Olga in Guatemala and just as much as I love my brother’s at Christmas. I should love my co-worker’s, the people that cut me off on Greystone Boulevard, and the man that keeps stealing my student missionary’s wallet! I should love them just as much. I should love them because I was first loved. Lord, thank you for grace and for giving me the Holy Spirit to spur me on to change. You are molding me. I’m thankful.

Again, I have a lot to learn.